First Draft

Water signs – Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio – are the most emotionally turmoiled horoscope signs. Ruled by their emotions, crying for no reason, lashing out. They cannot help themselves. 

I cannot help myself.

I’ve never thought of myself as a horoscope gal. I don’t really see the point in fitting my personality into an overarching description that fits millions of people. Well, that supposedly “fits” millions of people… One size does not fit all. I make my own path.

But, I am a Cancer, and regardless of whether I associate with that description, I am ruled by my emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am genuine. I am incapable of lying or being anything other than authentic. I cry, I lash out, all the negative things associated with the sign. But part of me knows, there’s a line drawn between a horoscope and its individual, between a horoscope and personality. 

What’s my horoscope today?

You’ll have to take the initiative today if you want the day to go smoothly. The folks in charge don’t know as much about things as you do, and they could use a little help. They would also appreciate a little discretion, so try to offer your services without letting the whole world know about it. Sitting back and watching them fail might appeal to a certain part of you, but if you do that you’ll only end up suffering in the end too.    -The Washington Post

It’s never been my nature to watch someone fail, to contribute to someone’s failures. Only ever to my own. Or, perhaps, I’ve contributed, accidentally, unintentionally, to others’ failures. But I am not full of spite, not full of envy or jealousy. Well, unless rarely provoked. 

Like today. For no reason at all. 

Yes, I lash out, my words cut, my fists bust things wide open, usually hurting myself worse than my intended victim. And it isn’t anyone else’s fault, it’s my own damn overly emotional self to blame. People don’t mean to hurt me. But I let them, and then part of me wants to bring them down to my level.

Misery loves company.

Let’s see another. I’m sure it’s vastly different. Which is accurate? Well, I suppose that depends on the individual. Aren’t we always looking at these like self-fulfilling prophecies? Excluding that which doesn’t align, and overly emphasizing that which does? 

You might find it rather tough to take criticism today, Cancer. This is something that’s hard for many to hear, but it truly depends on your perspective. Rather than view it as a personal attack, try to see the value in the criticism. If you’re honest with yourself and recognize that you could learn and grow from critique, seize it as an opportunity. If you find that it’s out in left field, then leave it there.    -Horoscope.com

It’s difficult to accept criticism every single day. I’ve never done it well. Tell me I could be better? Well, I just heard “You Fucking Suck!” Tell me some pointers? Well, apparently you’re telling me I’m the absolute worst. There is value in criticism. I know this. I feel this; I feel, far after the fact, how it’s supposed to make me better. Stronger. More capable. But being ruled by my emotions means I’m incapable of thinking critically, even if merely momentarily. 

One more…

Are the goals you have been aiming for in recent months goals you have chosen for yourself or goals that have been set for you by other people? If it’s the latter then it’s time to break free and do only what is important to you personally.

Perhaps the goal I should be setting for myself is getting my emotions under control. Ridding myself of that festering insecurity, the occasional envy or jealousy, the self-loathing. Perhaps I need to handle criticism, from others and from myself. I need to help others, and not hope they fail, or accidentally contribute to their, and my own, failures.

Horoscopes are funny. They’re truly random, no science behind them, no matter what pierced purple haired girl will tell you as she reads her birth chart next to her new partner’s and explains how the stars are aligning and they’re destined to be soulmates. No. This is all made by people, for people, people looking for some sort of meaning, some sort of explanation as to why they are the way they are. 

I desire an explanation, but does it really matter? I know how I am. Regardless of my horoscope sign. I know my personality may have formed because of X, Y, and Z, but it does not matter to ask how, what matters is realizing the what and making decisions to either sink into the negatives or rise above them – to be better, even if I’m a Cancer and cry on instinct. 

If I had to write my own horoscope today, it would be something like this:

Good afternoon, Cancer. Today you will feel like a Cancer, a tumor, on anyone who interacts with you. You will start off melancholy for absolutely no reason, then progressively get pissier and moodier, ridding yourself of sadness and replacing it with agitation. You will not be at peace. You will not feel hopeful. Tasks will not be straightforward, and your need to lash out may be unclear but ever present. Keep your head high, Cancer, and choose to take a breath. Count to ten before speaking, for your words have power, and once they’ve been released, you can’t get them back.   -Alex Ragonesi